Have you noticed how certain people suck the life out of you? Just being in their presence in enough to leave you feeling drained. I think you know the type! You prefer not to be around them. In fact you want to run a mile!
There’s something slightly uncomfortable about the way they devalue others. They tend to generalise around race, sexual orientation, and such like. They try to fit people into boxes they have no place being in. Your values, even your sense of integrity is put on the line. You want to say, ‘I don’t like how you’re generalising here’, or, ‘well, actually all clerics aren’t child abusers’.
Sometimes it’s easier to let it pass. Later you will feel bad that you did.
It’s not that they’re bad people, just that they’re woefully unconscious. They love indulging in their favourite pastime - gossip.
Now of course there are the few who will deliberately invade your space to push their own agenda. They’ve decided that some marginal group are to blame for all the woes in the world, and since you’re present why shouldn’t they dump on you.
After all, you’re an ear with a person attached.
Contrast this with the person who is respectful of others. Someone who speaks kind words and doesn’t rush to tell you the latest gossip. The type who won’t talk nice to someone’s face, only to regale stories of their misdemeanours behind their back. These people don’t need to put others down so as to elevate themselves. Where they can, their contributions will be positive and affirming. Isn’t there something wholesome about being in their company, to breathe the same air as they do? There’s something clean about their energy. You can feel it. You want to bask in it.
In self-development and personal-growth circles there are some who advocate cutting all ties with the vampire type. Just set them adrift. Ok, but I’d caution against being too extreme here. After all we draw people into our lives for a reason. If someone is whining a lot they may have a genuine problem. They may be trying to reach out.
Ergo, don’t get rid of all your friends.
(You may need to excise a few though!)
On the other hand, if someone isn’t prepared to deal with their stuff and move on why is it your problem? And if the person is just dumping on you, venting, then they’re certainly not being respectful of you. Further, your continuing to socialise with this person betrays a lack of respect for yourself, dependency even.
When it comes to family I admit we have a bit of a problem. Perhaps some compromise is called for! Because unless you plan divorcing them it’s hard not to have some kind of relationship here.
Just as an aside, did you know the word family is etymologically linked with familiar? So, variously, depending on context, it can mean a relative, something we’ve grown comfortable with, a poltergeist, and even the cat! Yes.
Families are a strange bunch!
We exchange part of ourselves, our energy, with those we come into contact with. Even our molecules get mixed (I kid you not!) with those we meet and interface with daily. Now this is pretty much normal, it’s how ideas, mannerisms and social tics get passed around. But if you are very unconscious around certain people you may find yourself picking up more of their bits than you want, than is healthy.
In other words you become like them.
For example, one of your friends is a moaner. You don’t like this trait but you value their friendship so you stick around. After a while you don’t even notice the moaning. Next thing, someone says to you ‘why are you always moaning these days’, and suddenly you realise you’ve adopted this habit. We get caught up in another person’s inner world, and they in ours, without even noticing it. I call it getting caught in other people's reality.
Because we’re a social and interactive species we socialise and interact. And that’s normal. Also business and commerce is conducted on this same fair exchange basis. This is fine, to a point. But if we allow special interest to inform all our relationships then we run the risk of unconsciously seeing others through the lens of ‘how can you benefit me’.
In doing so it is we who become the blood suckers, sapping the life out of healthy relationships. We also make ourselves more susceptible to being invaded, as well as increasing our tolerance for loose talk and generalisations. Relationship itself becomes defiled.
When we superimpose our needs on another, whether it be someone we know, or a rank stranger, then we’re not seeing the person, we’re seeing the need. It’s a relationship of convenience.
It’s the reason we befriended the earwig in the first place. There was something about the vampire that we liked, maybe something we found alluring in their loose talk.
Don’t get paranoid! Just be mindful of what you
let into your psychic space, of the company you keep on a regular basis. Get
aware of what people are saying around you (as well as what you’re saying back!) and
ask yourself am I in alignment with that?
Above all, mind who you mix your molecules with!
There is a voice that doesn’t use words - listen!
Rumi
Reality is merely an illusion - albeit a persistent one.
Albert Einstein